Please welcome today’s guest, author Lisa Lane, to the blog.
She’s the author of The Darkness and The Night series, and all around vampire expert.
When Vampires Hit Suburbia
I’ve noticed a trend in the modern vampire, a movement fitting for the twenty-first century, when humans really should be evolved enough to handle something as trivial as a vampire or two living (or unliving) in the neighborhood. Still, it has been interesting to see what has become of the twenty-first-century vampire through hits like Twilight and emerging possibilities like The Gates. What do they have in common? They approach human/vampire interaction in deeper or more innovative ways, creating unique relationships between unlikely people in ways that, to varying degrees, make us think about ourselves and the world around us.
This can be unfortunate for some vampires, however, as the poor things find themselves suffering greatly in their futile attempt to pretend they are still human. Humanity is a lot like virginity: once it’s lost, it’s gone for good.
These unfortunate suburban vampires use various coping tactics in order to keep their cover, from living “vegetarian” to keeping blood in the back fridge. One must give them kudos for their efforts, as unnatural as they are. Karen Xavier, the protagonist in my erotic horror trilogy The Darkness and the Night, is among those growing numbers. Luckily for her (and after much strife) she now has a blood donor to keep her satisfied, but she does also have the problem of raising her seemingly human daughter and son in as “normal” an environment as possible.
With poor Karen and others in mind, I thought I might compile a basic list for vampires attempting to fit into suburban life:
- Know your story and stick to it. Some of your suburban friends might want to know why they never see you during the day. Pick a human condition that causes sunlight allergy and research it. The information will come in handy eventually.
- If you’re one of those rare nightcrawlers who beat the odds and had kids, never assume you know what they’re going to grow up to be. A seemingly human child can mature into something altogether different.
- If you suspect your child is undergoing his or her “second puberty,” be sure to check the neighborhood parks and ravines regularly, to ensure he or she has not been misbehaving. (Poor Karen once had to deal with her son accidentally biting his girlfriend, then burying her by the creek when he mistakenly thought he had killed her. Learn from her mistake.)
- Pretend you’re camera shy. It will pay off in the future.
- If you remain in one place for longer than ten years, always act flattered when someone says you look good for your age. If need be, tell your friends that you have a fantastic plastic surgeon.
- Keep your cupboards and refrigerator stocked with various foods. To keep them rotated and avoid waste, go to the grocery store and your local food donation center at least bi-monthly.
- Most importantly, always be patient with your suburban friends. Remember, they’re only human.
For more tips on fun and interactive suburban living, check out The Darkness and the Night III: Twins of Darkness. For more about Lisa Lane’s works, go to http://www.cerebralwriter.com.